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Dirty as we want to be November 25, 2013

Filed under: Life,Television & Film,Uncategorized — Televixen @ 6:43 am

ss_1-1Is raw and sexually explicit comedy still a boys’ club? Brian Lowry from Variety magazine seems to think so. In fact, he recently said of Sarah Silverman, “Despite all manner of career-friendly gifts – from her looks to solid acting chops – she’s limited herself by appearing determined to prove she can be as dirty and distasteful as the boys…” Now, I’ve never heard of Brian Lowry and I suspect he’s just looking to get his name out there in the press by stirring up some controversy. Lowry’s going to have to try harder because A. as the article below states, he used this same quote on comic Amy Schumer a few months back and B. people are going to remember this shit and call him out on it. See the link below:

I am tired of male “journalists” and bloggers putting women down to get their name thrown around social media to enhance their careers. I am still not over Joe Peacock’s sexist remarks about women in geek culture. However, I refuse to keep talking about him because clearly that’s what he wants. Putting someone down in order to elevate your own status is just plain bullying. I’m tired of geek elitists who feel they can be the arbiters of who is a “true fan.”

Similarly, I’m sick of the old adage that women aren’t funny or that when they are crass somehow they are “acting like one of the boys.” I’ve watched Sarah Silverman’s career for a long time and she’s been pretty darn successful and consistent. I don’t think dirty jokes are purely a man’s domain. I’m writing a pilot now and the things I say in it might make you blush. And guess what? It’s about women’s issues, our experiences and the way the world reacts to us. If you don’t like this brand of humor than all I can say is don’t read it, don’t watch it and just ignore it.

As for you, Brian Lowry—Sarah Silverman affects you how? You’ve stated you find her attractive judging by the references to her looks. So, let me get this straight, she can’t be dirty on stage, but would you be OK with her being dirty in the bedroom? Good enough to sleep with, but god forbid she’s… funny. Talking filthy is part of her brand of humor. How exactly does that limit her? It’s what her audience accepts and most likely wants. By the way, performers in The Vagina Monologues use the P word a lot too. I seriously doubt anyone would dare say those women were “talking filthy as the boys.” Male or female, gender has nothing to do with how explicit someone’s sense of humor is. End of story.


Happy Birthday, Grandma! November 24, 2013

Filed under: Life,Uncategorized — Televixen @ 8:01 am

IMG_6161Today, November 24, 2013, would have been her 98th birthday. In fact, the last time I saw my grandmother conscious was on her 97th. We had a lot of traditions together and I can’t even begin to describe how strange it will feel keeping up with some of these without her. My grandma, Marie, the only grandmother I ever knew, was so special to me. She was in many ways, my second mom and I know for certain I thought of her as my best friend. I deem her responsible for teaching me how to be feminine. There was no formal instruction, but I looked onto her with reverence as she was the most graceful and lovely woman I had ever seen. I grew up with a brother, hung out with his friends, my best friend growing up was a tomboy, so was my actual mother. There was no one around to teach me to be a girl. Luckily, my parents worked 40 hours a week and in the summer months or on any holiday break, I got to spend it with Grandma. We developed quite the bond. I took after her in many ways. She encouraged me to be a performer, crafter and all-around good person. I took hula lessons with her since I was barely old enough to read. I glued seashells to costumes and shredded raffia for her Tahitian skirts. Sometimes I just loved to watch her. She knew I looked up to her. She gave me the best moments of my childhood even though she had so little.

As she got older, I took care of her. I took her shopping, drove her to the doctor, to pay her bills at the currency exchange and handled getting her prescriptions. I didn’t do this out of any sense of obligation. I did it because I wanted to. I loved spending time with her. I took her on vacations and drove her whereever she wanted to go. Michaels was one of our favorite places to spend an hour. Every year, I took her Christmas shopping and helped her pick things out for the whole family. This year, I’ll go to her favorite department store alone. I know she’d be happy to know I was keeping that tradition alive and getting a good deal too!

I saved all of her correspondence. I have hundreds of cards and letters from throughout the years. She asked to be buried with mine. This is the kind of bond we had. We’ll take it to the grave. I lost her on Valentine’s Day 2013. I’m sure I will hurt just as much as today when that day rolls around. I’ll try not to think about it and cross that bridge when it comes.

As I sit here writing this, I know she’d be proud of me. I have no regrets. I told her I loved her every time I hung up the phone or ended a letter. Every time I came to town, I made her priority number one. I miss our outings more than anything. Sometimes I have some good news to share or I’m feeling blue and I almost think I can call her. While that’s not possible, I know she’d be happy to know we were eating our turkey, sharing each other’s company and not being sad. She would want my family to go on and enjoy life. She had so much life in her until the end. She was the feistiest 97-year-old I had ever met! So, this Thanksgiving I am thankful for all the amazing memories and life lessons I got from “Grandma Grand.”

Be kind to each other, always remember to reach out to relatives and remind them of your love while you can. Life is so very short and fleeting. Things can change instantly. I’m grateful my life was touched by someone so beautiful for so long. I consider myself incredibly lucky.

Happy Birthday, Grandma Butterfly!


Guinan was always just… November 23, 2013

images…Guinan for me. She wasn’t a favorite character. She didn’t even stand out as anything other than Whoopi Goldberg. Uhura was the first black woman in outer space, so Guinan didn’t have that to set her apart. One thing I have always liked about the character is that she was the last character Gene Roddenberry created and developed before he passed away.

I grew up on Whoopi being the psychic in Ghost and the lead in Sister Act, so to me she was always a superstar. By the time I saw her in Star Trek, I found it distracting, like that one time Madonna showed up in a James Bond film. I didn’t watch TNG in its original run. (I know, I know!) But, I have been exploring the female characters of all of the Star Trek shows and movies lately. My friend and fellow convention panelist, Jamala Henderson has a deep affection for the character. She sent me this video and I was deeply moved by it.

Some people saw her as a calculated move to put a famous person in that role. Plus, why do we need another counselor type when we have Deanna? Much less one that is the cliche bartender? Well, I say just as  Seven of Nine evolved from a ratings-booster into a complex character, Guinan proved she was there to listen not because she had to, but because she wanted to. Her unsurpassed closeness to Picard and untold backstory (which I now appreciate as a writer), always added emotional depth and charm to the show. Whoopi could hold her own with Patrick Stewart in any scene, which is no easy task. She wasn’t in as many episodes as you would think and there’s an air of mystery about her that I really like. Thanks Jamala, for helping me see her as more than just a barkeep with a famous face!


Owning “IT” November 21, 2013

Filed under: Life,Uncategorized — Televixen @ 1:14 am

keep-calm-and-just-own-it-257x300Every now and then I have a solid heart-to-heart with a good friend. I feel we can learn about what we put out into the world more objectively from a third-party. It isn’t always easy to hear, but sometime we need to hear it. We need to know what others think about us based on what messages we send. Now, trust me. I do not give a rat’s ass about what others think of me. But, I do want to make a distinction that I care about what the people who mean something to me think.

Sometimes, I just can’t see outside of myself. A good friend will be real with you. You might reject what they are saying at first, but if you take time to process it, you might find it helpful (or they are just full of shit, but usually not).

Now, I won’t go into details about my personal conversation, but the crux of what I learned was if you have a problem with the way you are projecting yourself, change it. If you don’t, own it! I’ve gotten to that age where I am too obstinate to change, but I also really don’t care about people’s perceptions. I am a confident person. Sure, I have my insecurities like everyone else. But, sometimes a good friend knows how to hit you where it hurts. When that happens your confidence might go out the window. I am not vulnerable in front of many people, just the people I trust. I think things hit you where it hurts because deep down there’s truth to it.

So, I got to thinking about this idea of “owning it.” He said to me, “Mare, I am 42-year-old single man with a part-time job, living in a studio apartment.” It’s not exactly where he thought his dreams would take him, but he’s accepted it. imagesHe owns it. I respect this friend tremendously because he doesn’t try to be something he’s not. I told him perhaps he’s having a hard-time dating out here (he’s also a Chicago transplant) because women in LA want to date men who are powerful and important. At least, women in the entertainment business that is. Not everything is this cut and dry, but there is an evolutionary link with survivalism. As Henry Kissinger put it: “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.” I told him there will be some women that find your honesty and ability to “own it” just as desirable.

I’ve always wanted to be taken seriously. I don’t want people to think I’m sexy. I don’t want people to think I’m cute. If you call me “nice,” I will roll my eyes and say, “do better!” More than anything, I want people to see that I have a brain. Sure, on some level we all want to be wanted, but why can’t we have it all? Sexy and smart are not mutally exclusive ideas. There’s no reason you have to compromise yourself to fit into a certain mold. I just need to get over seeing my friend’s impression of me as negative. He certainly didn’t mean it as a dig. I know these issues are deeply rooted in my childhood, upbringing and religion. I need to let go of guilt, embrace certain aspects of myself and just fucking own it already! Easier said than done. I’m working on it. Stay tuned…


I don’t need flowery, just be functional! November 20, 2013

raspberry_rain_disposablesWhen it comes to razors, I only buy what’s on sale. One day I got a coupon for these Schick Quattro disposables. It wasn’t until I had them in my hands that I realized they were Raspberry-Rain scented. I bought them anyway since they were cheap, but it got me wondering. What is the point of a scented handle? It doesn’t make your legs smell nice. It’s clearly just a marketing ploy because we all know women will buy anything scented like flowers and fruit, am I right, ladies? (insert sarcasm) They had absolutely no function, but the packaging was feminine and childish. I’m sure some teens may gravitate towards them, but it certainly didn’t factor into my decision-making. Besides what does a raspberry raindrop smell like anyway? When I got them home and sniffed, I still couldn’t tell ya. The odor was faint and was more along the lines of a scratch and sniff sticker (remember those?).

When I went home and did a little research, and by research, I mean Googled it. I discovered Schick wasn’t the only brand to carry scented handle razors. Gillette also makes a line of them. Theirs are tropical scents that come in a variety of pastel colors. Both brands are tying them in with their shave gels of the same fragrance, but if I’m buying a smelly shave gel why would I need a scented handle? I’m as perplexed by this blatantly sexist marketing as Ellen DeGeneres is about pens for women.

This made me love Ellen even more. Thanks for calling this crap out for what it is!

One could write an entire thesis on how packaging reaffirms traditional gender constructs, but this isn’t even functional or subtle at all.  Scent marketing isn’t a new concept, but from what I’ve encountered, it actually works. For example, Main Street at Disneyland pipes in the smell of fresh-baked cookies, to drive you to buy them. Or how many times have you walked into a movie theater full, but still had to buy that popcorn? So, why fruits and flowers when it comes to removing hair? Is it just to attract a new-to-shaving market of tweens or is it to reinforce the fruit-gathering role of women? It seems products want brand loyalty from an early age and one way to get it is to market younger and younger. No doubt, these razors, like any other product on the market, went through testing. Who were they surveying? Clearly, girls who like pink, purple and light orange. While I’m not one of those girls, I will continue to buy them because they keep giving me coupons. I’m a cheap skate, what can I say. My feminism only runs so far. While I think this form of gender-comodifying is wrong, I know taking away my $10 isn’t going to make any difference. And heck, it is still a functional razor even if the scent doesn’t do anything. Does it make me a bad feminist if I put my wallet before my principles? I’m a starving artist, functional is functional and if there’s cheap and functional, I’ll take it! I’ve seen these razors on clearance, so I am confident this is just another passing fad. Let’s hope the next one isn’t this stupid.


Words used to silence November 7, 2013

Filed under: Life,Uncategorized — Televixen @ 4:08 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

ImageI never really thought about words being used to silence women, but the more I think about it, I can think of hundreds of examples in my lifetime. Most recently I was informed by a friend that someone said something inappropriate about me. It was a total stranger and I brushed it off, but it goes back to the idea of certain words having negative implications instead of uplifting ones. I was at a Star Trek convention being interviewed in the captain’s chair. I was flanked by my panelists on the bridge of the Enterprise, when someone leaned into the guy running the booth and said, “watch out, they’re feminists!” What exactly did she think was going to happen? What were we going to say that was so controversial? I’m baffled by the fact that a woman would have a problem with this term in the first place, let alone be warning others against giving us a platform.

Words are only powerful if you let them have weight. Today a friend sent me a link to a blog about the way words are used to silence us women. It was a fascinating read and the comments (literally, hundreds) were also equally enlightening. Oh, and watch out, there be feminists here!

Here’s the link at Make Me A Sammich:


See you in 25 years… November 4, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — Televixen @ 6:23 pm

ImageIn case you think Twin Peaks will be back, there’s a site with a countdown to the 25 year mark. I have no idea if it will return, but I’m waiting with the rest of you to hear the news, even though I think some things should just be left alone. This statement has been misinterpreted over and over again. I doubt their intention was to leave a clue that the show might be back one day. Though, in this day and age anything is possible as Hollywood has no new ideas.